A solemn oath is normally made in November each year - a vow to never remain silent about the prevalent issue of Domestic Violence (DV). It's a heavy subject that unfolds all too frequently behind closed doors. But what might surprise you is the connection between Domestic Violence and the often-overlooked realm of organising within a household. Domestic Violence, beyond the evident physical aggression, can manifest in subtle, insidious ways, infiltrating not just your space but your mind and the dynamics of maintaining a home.
What Is the Link Between Domestic Violence and Organising?
Domestic violence is not always physical. When one partner carries all of the cleaning, maintaining and organising of a home, it can, in some cases, be a subtle form of abuse. Organising tools can lighten that load and help a household share it fairly, but organising cannot solve domestic violence.
The Sneaky Side of Domestic Violence
While many associate Domestic Violence with physical violence, there's a more insidious side that sneaks into the fabric of everyday life. Verbal abuse takes the form of put-downs, insults, and a continuous barrage of negative narratives about a partner. Often, one partner is burdened with the sole responsibility for housekeeping, and in today's world, where most women work, this becomes an outdated and unfair expectation.
Questioning the Status Quo
In the modern era, housework should no longer fall solely on one partner. The question is: Why does one person often shoulder the burden of cleaning, maintaining, and organising a home? This pattern, deeply ingrained in societal expectations and conditioning, can, in some cases, be a subtle form of abuse and Domestic Violence. Termed "lordship," it involves one partner, typically the man, shirking all responsibilities at home, leaving the other to manage the chaos. This scenario perpetuates gender stereotypes, with children growing up witnessing the unequal distribution of household duties, reinforcing the notion that women are naturally predisposed to do more in the house.
Challenging Social Norms
We fight years of conditioning and societal expectations. To break free from the shackles of such ingrained norms, it's crucial to recognise that this unequal distribution of responsibilities within a household mirrors the dynamics of abuse. The term "lordship" aptly captures the unequal power dynamics that can exist within the seemingly mundane task of housekeeping.
Organising as a Solution
In addressing both Domestic Violence and the unequal distribution of household responsibilities, organising plays a crucial role. Implementing organising tips, tricks, and gadgets can significantly reduce the burden on one person, fostering a collaborative and equitable approach to maintaining the home. However, no amount of organisational strategies can succeed if other household members resist or boycott them. Organising cannot solve domestic violence.
Domestic Violence, in its various forms, is more prevalent than we might think. By shedding light on the link between DV and the unequal distribution of household responsibilities, we open a dialogue that challenges entrenched norms. It's time to break free from the chains of conditioning and foster an environment where organising becomes a collective effort, promoting harmony and equality in our homes. Together, we can dismantle the subtle forms of abuse and work towards creating households where every member contributes to the well-being of the home.
Have you been impacted by Domestic Violence?
I have lost a close relative because of it. If you or someone you know is experiencing domestic or family violence, support is available. Call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732 (24 hours a day), or call 000 if you are in immediate danger.
Note: Part of this article was originally an Illawarra Mercury article from 2013 updated and refreshed in 2023
Frequently Asked Questions
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In some cases, yes. When one partner carries all of the cleaning, maintaining and organising while the other takes no responsibility, it can be a subtle form of abuse. The post calls this "lordship."
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Organising tips, tricks and gadgets can ease the load on one person and support a fair, shared approach. They only work if everyone in the household takes part.
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Call 1800RESPECT on 1800 737 732, 24 hours a day. In immediate danger, call 000.
